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“It wasn’t the barking, it was Cuddles’ maniacal need to always be right.”
“Sheila’s cereal taste test blows up on TikTok. She quits her job and moves to Costa Rica, where cereal influencers are unwanted.”
“As long as we’re talking labels, I’m a Plant Parent.”
“Don’t they realize we smell those plug-in air-freshener thingies 1000 times more than they do?
“Listen, Honey, stop being so triggered. Your privilege is showing!”
“I keep buying cordless vacuums that don’t work. There, I’ve said it.”
“When you said you wanted to watch March Madness, I didn’t think you meant the nightly news.”
“They’re oversized frames to fit my personality. What’s your motivation?”
“Three litter boxes, wall-to-wall carpeting, and good faucets are must-haves.”
“My current state of being is comfoozled. Look it up.”
