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“When Maxine learned lipstick has a melting point of 130 degrees Fahrenheit, she finally believed in climate change.”
“Back in my day, we had to get up early to get the worm. Now, there are feeders everywhere… So, why bother?”
“I never said inground; I said on the ground.”
“I’ve got cottage cheese thighs and a lawn that looks like shredded wheat. That’s how I am.”
“Every day I have an exercise goal. Today, it’s walking to the bakery to buy Dot Cakes.”
“Today’s horoscope says you’re not interested in money or materialism. My horoscope says the more you buy, the more you save. We’re aligned with the universe.”
“Boob sweat, dry cracked feet, melting make-up, ingrown hairs…. I love summer.”
“Where are the pickles? What time did you put the chicken on? Why didn’t you buy Hawaiian rolls? Who’s bringing seltzer?”
“I try to stay busy. My whole day is spent deciding if I’ve had enough or too little protein.”
“Best Mom Ever mugs, check. Pastel loungewear, check. Stress from adult kids, check.”
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