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“I told everyone not to call me because today is my Me Day. Everyone knows not to bother me on my Me Day. Hello?”
“I’m regifting my Do-It-All-Pan, because I realized I’m not doing it all or cleaning it all.”
“Sheila sat in the good chair, picked up the remote, and made everyone watch her dopey shows. This inspired the rest of the family to join bowling leagues.”
“Forget finding a nice guy, I’m trying to find a good Primary Care doctor.”
“Listen, LaBoobie, you’re not borrowing my slippers for your costume.”
“I don’t give a fig, I’m going to spray it. You’re too obsessed with Lambie.”
“Penny’s pumpkin porch display was so elaborate that visitors had to meet her in the garage.”
“Rollo is outed for gorging on extra pepperoni during Fat Bear Week.”
“Mona thinks she’s all that and a bag of chips since she installed a bidet.”
“I’m walking with hot coffee, my phone, and ill-fitting shoes, so keep your habitual complaining to yourself.”
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