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“Pumpkin Spice toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner; you don’t have to thank us.”
“Whelp, it’s four o’clock somewhere.”
“Oh, we’re wearing white after Labor Day… and there’s not a darn thing you can do about it.”
“I’m totally over being positive all the time.”
“Would you please tell your father it’s not a DIY project if he’s involving me?”
“Let’s toast to another week of crazy.”
“When sharks verbally attack.”
“Hello, you’ve turned our lawn to shredded wheat. For $215 a month, we want our green back… the lawn and the money.”
“When they say, ‘It’s all good,’ they’re wrong.”
“It’s officially a heatwave when Maxine’s lipstick melts off her face, onto her summer sleeveless shift, and trends on Instagram.”
