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“Without a charcuterie board template, it’s cheese and cracker chaos.”
“I’m putting this back. We’re in New Jersey, and this is imported from Massachusetts.”
“This year, we’re Quiet quitting holiday cards.”
“Pumpkin Spice toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner; you don’t have to thank us.”
“Oh, we’ll be wearing white after Labor Day, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”
“Announcement. Shower. Invitation. Save the date for no thank you notes.”
“Let’s toast to another week of crazy.”
“When you wake up at 2:15, go pee at 2:16, then stay up aggravating over stuff from 2017.”
“We’re having a heatwave, a tropical heatwave… Who’s with me?”
“When Maxine learned lipstick has a melting point of 130 degrees Fahrenheit, she finally believed in the global climate crisis.”
