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“Four kinds of salads, three kinds of burgers, and two of us. Good job forgetting to put the time on our invite.”
“For crying out loud, eat the donut. Our PCP appointments aren’t until a year from now.”
“I’m totally about positivity, trusting the universe, and gratitude. Now can I get five frickin’ minutes to meditate?”
“Your cousin just texted from the space station. Can you go unplug his toaster oven?”
“Boob sweat, dry, cracked feet, humidity, melting make-up, ingrown hairs… I love summer.”
“I’m a hands-free, crossbody, fanny-packin’, sling baggin’ kinda gal.”
“They switched out classic iced cubes for ice nuggets without consulting me. I know, right?”
“Forget the Met Gala. I’ll tell you what’s hip and trending… cottage cheese.”
“These days, all I do is drink and pee. So, might as well re-do the bathroom.”
“I embrace this busy epidemic. Because If I’m too busy, I don’t have to do stuff.”
