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“For all the road comics who will never get their own sitcom; You got two chances and squandered it all with one racist tweet. Whelp, I’ll be in Cleveland on Friday, Detroit on Saturday…”
“Forget the summer of me. My adult kids still think it’s about them.”
“Our hotel resort fee better include pool water testing.”
“The way things are going, National Wine Day should be National Wine Year.”
“When your Alexa is keeping up with the Joneses’ Alexa.”
“The summit is cancelled. But I didn’t see any official letter about our Korean BBQ pot-luck.”
“New NFL policy, players on the field must stand for National Anthem. How about all Washington politicians must stand-up for our democracy.”
“This administration wants to lift the ban on bear baiting for hunters. Bacon should be used to lure voters to the polls, not ambush us in our dens.”
“Early Bird specials are for old people. This is the Sprightly-Super-Late-Lunch-Combo with wine for $11.99”
“When your container tomatoes, self watering planters, organic soil, and water bill add up to a plane ticket.”
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