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“Shop, shop, shop… When are you going to clean, cook, and fold laundry?”
“Lightly oaked Chardonnay, Pinot Noir & Grigio – Totally pairs well with potato chips. Google it.”
“Fanny packs of the 80’s are now belt bags. I prefer Boob Bundle.”
“See the patio umbrella, be the patio umbrella, receive the patio umbrella.”
“Nothing can be done with three pounds of potato salad, two s’mores, and one hot dog. The Dinner-Spin-It app says just grab the car keys & the chips.”
“This year Nana spent all her money on insulin. Now Nana’s vacation is watching this #@$# tank parade.”
“They left me all alone with my fireworks anxiety. Gonna live-stream; Stress chewing, nervous peeing, and getting into their CBD oil stash.”
“Toxic algae bloom closed the beach. Unhealthy poop bacteria found in the pool. And the public toilet at the bus station won an award.”
“Who knew three years ago we’d be living in the burbs? All you can eat seeds, swimming pools, and our cubs love the swing-sets.”
“Bold prints paired with large totes. We don’t need no stinkin’ cover-ups.”
