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“Hate this litter. Hate that litter box. Hate overly aggressive petting. Hate other cats. Hate being lonely. Hate loud noises. Hate this food. Hate that medicine… What else?”
“The first all-female spacewalk. Unlike us, they didn’t need three Grande Lattes to step out.”
“Cake Mix Hacks. Beer Can Chicken With A Twist. Decorate & Marinate… Gonna miss you Family Circle Magazine.”
“Turkey smothered in Russian dressing with Syrian bread? Looks like this diner is under new management.”
“Stop stressing and go to sleep. There’ll be plenty more political shenanigans and astounding gall tomorrow.”
“Fox News poll sucks? Reminds me of when you ripped into the PTA.”
“Your side hustle as an Instagram pet influencer is at odds with our ‘Big Eight’ accounting firm culture.”
“10,000 tweets a day is exhausting everyone.”
“No job. No insurance. No healthcare. No problem. Free Fox News & peanuts at the bar.”
“Another childhood milestone… pacifier to digital pacifier.”
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