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“We fell because of the cold snap. Now the kids want to put us in an assisted pet store.”
“This plant based meat has more fat & salt than my fries? Larry, get the ketchup.”
“Call a caterer and that cleaning service. Because we’re taking a break from our family’s royal duties
“New Girl Scout cookie for aging complainers.”
“This device tracks GPS location, distance traveled, heart rate, sales alerts, buying risk, and credit score.”
“Pookie – it’s time to go out for your last poop of the year or your first poop of the decade.”
“Family & friends mailing less holiday cheer – Family & friends making more craft beer. Wait, what?”
“Buh-bye corn hole, kombucha, and camo. Hello! Axe throwing, hard seltzer, and leopard print for 2020!”