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“I’m exhausted by all the ads, texts, and lawn signs, and don’t get me started on garage and yard sales.”
“Three hours in a crowded orchard with screaming kids and their crazy parents; a fall family tradition.“
“My kids are grown. I’m buying it for the squirrels.”
“I’m taking this year off. It’s the cat’s turn to wear a dopey costume.”
“What do you mean it’s one gourd too many?”
“I’ll tell you why. Fitted sheets have stretchy, rounded edges… just like me.”
“I’m tired of their constant clucking with no solutions. That’s my beef. OMG – I said the ‘B’ word.”
“This is my last day. They’re transferring me to the Koi pond.”
“Pumpkin Spice toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner; you don’t have to thank us.”
“Whelp, it’s four o’clock somewhere.”
