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“Hello, HOA? For $315 bucks a month, can we switch out the shredded wheat for Lucky Charms’ green grass?”
“I’ve been trying to spend money all day, but everything’s sold out.”
“OK, TikTok has a new way to store lettuce. This is what you meant by let’s spice things up?”
“You can’t get a reservation at a feeder! First, it was the squirrels, and now it’s the bears.”
“Got real and fake burgers. Also, real and faux hot dogs. What time are the genuine and phony friends arriving?”
“We’re fabulously flabby, gabby, and seldom crabby.”
“Between the price of gas and flight cancellations, can we just camp out in your backyard?”
“We’re not in the kitchen; we’re on the pickleball court.”
“The bad news? There’s a tampon shortage. The good news? We’re post-menopausal.”
“Hey, you know what would be great? A swim-up bar.”
