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“I’ll tell you why. Fitted sheets have stretchy, rounded edges… just like me.”
“I’m tired of their constant clucking with no solutions. That’s my beef. OMG – I said the ‘B’ word.”
“This is my last day. They’re transferring me to the Koi pond.”
“Pumpkin Spice toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner; you don’t have to thank us.”
“Whelp, it’s four o’clock somewhere.”
“I hate when the kids go back to school. No crumbs on the floor until after 3 PM.”
“Oh, we’re wearing white after Labor Day… and there’s not a darn thing you can do about it.”
“I’m totally over being positive all the time.”
“Your cousin is stuck on the Space Station. So I volunteered you to mow their grass.”
“Would you please tell your father it’s not a DIY project if he’s involving me?”
