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“My daughter has over two million followers on TikTok. Her brother is just a doctor.”
“Phyllis, did you just state the cat ordered my Halloween costume?”
“I’m putting this back. We’re in New Jersey, and this is imported from Massachusetts.”
“This year, we’re Quiet quitting holiday cards.”
“With a cluck-cluck here and a cluck-cluck there, E-I-E-I-O. Stop me if you’ve heard this one.”
“No, you can’t. Even with pet insurance, they still get to pick the vet.”
“Pumpkin Spice toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner; you don’t have to thank us.”
“Oh, we’ll be wearing white after Labor Day, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”
“Rarely snappy, Gary decides to become an emotional support alligator.”
“Exercise, drink more water, and reduce that screen time!”
