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“Whelp, I don’t give a flying flip if we’re saggin’, draggin’, or jigglin’… Who’s with me?”
“I’m totally about positivity, trusting the universe, and gratitude. Now can I get five frickin’ minutes to meditate?”
“No Hawaiian rolls? Where are the pickles? Why are they late? What are you doing inside?”
“Your cousin just texted from the space station. Can you go unplug his toaster oven?”
“Boob sweat, dry, cracked feet, humidity, melting make-up, ingrown hairs… I love summer.”
“I’m a hands-free, crossbody, fanny-packin’, sling baggin’ kinda gal.”
“They switched out classic iced cubes for ice nuggets without consulting me. I know, right?”
“One hundred and twenty-five dollars later… you better all grow, or else.”
“The Peloton got recalled, so I used your mountain bike for a double-scoop spin class.”
“They sent some Home Spa kit. Two eye thingies and a loofah to exfoliate my tough exterior.”
