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“Promise her anything, but give her a pre-paid gas card.”
“Wanna go out? Wanna treat? Get your toy! Helicopter Pet Parents are a thing.”
“For the last time, I am not going to the beach. I am training to go to the beach.”
“We made unique hot dogs with our new ceramic smoker and grill. Come back for July 4th — we’ll make unique burgers.”
“Allegedly, Martha Stewart doesn’t do red geraniums in her patio planters. But I’m not Martha Stewart.”
“At least walking didn’t go up in price.”
“Just remember, three weeks ago you didn’t know Chili Crisp existed.”
“I don’t think our evil eye pendants protect us from daily stupidity and incompetence. ”
“Let’s just skip the awkward conversation and text our wants and needs.”
“Shirley, we invented it. Coastal Grandma is trending on TikTok.”
