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“My kids are grown. I’m buying it for the squirrels.”
“I’m taking this year off. It’s the cat’s turn to wear a dopey costume.”
“What do you mean it’s one gourd too many?”
“I’ll tell you why. Fitted sheets have stretchy, rounded edges… just like me.”
“I’m tired of their constant clucking with no solutions. That’s my beef. OMG – I said the ‘B’ word.”
“This is my last day. They’re transferring me to the Koi pond.”
“Pumpkin Spice toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner; you don’t have to thank us.”
“Whelp, it’s four o’clock somewhere.”
“I hate when the kids go back to school. No crumbs on the floor until after 3 PM.”
“Oh, we’re wearing white after Labor Day… and there’s not a darn thing you can do about it.”
