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“I’m totally over being positive all the time.”
“Would you please tell your father it’s not a DIY project if he’s involving me?”
“Let’s toast to another week of crazy.”
“When sharks verbally attack.”
“Hello, you’ve turned our lawn to shredded wheat. For $215 a month, we want our green back… the lawn and the money.”
“When they say, ‘It’s all good,’ they’re wrong.”
“It’s officially a heatwave when Maxine’s lipstick melts off her face, onto her summer sleeveless shift, and trends on Instagram.”
“They forced us back to the office. Now I have to do all my online shopping from work.”
“Cancel that wellness check; he posted his Wordle score!”
“We’ve lived six decades without it, so why is full-body deodorant suddenly a thing?”
