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“Hello, HOA? For $315 bucks a month, can we switch out the shredded wheat for Lucky Charms’ green grass?”
“I’ve been trying to spend money all day, but everything’s sold out.”
“OK, TikTok has a new way to store lettuce. This is what you meant by let’s spice things up?”
“You can’t get a reservation at a feeder! First, it was the squirrels, and now it’s the bears.”
“We’re not in the kitchen; we’re on the pickleball court.”
“The bad news? There’s a tampon shortage. The good news? We’re post-menopausal.”
“Hey, you know what would be great? A swim-up bar.”
“Good or bad, Yogurt Toast is trending on TikTok, and that’s that.”
“Peanut butter, chicken salad, fruit… So, what’s for lunch that hasn’t been recalled?”
“Promise her anything, but give her a pre-paid gas card.”
