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“They’re prying the iced-coffee from our ninety degree day hands. Ready or not, pumpkin-spiced latte season is here.”
“Everybody would be poor if he’s impeached. So glad we snagged a Never Ending Pasta Pass.”
“Barnum’s Animal Crackers are now cage-free. We’ve got cage-free boarding, but our dog treats are still locked up on the counter.”
“You’re always hollering about my donuts and that wholesome cereal has weedkiller.”
“When you grilled the hell out of the burgers, after everyone told you medium rare.”
“All burgers are served with fries, slaw, onion rings and a pickle. There’s your vegetable-centric dish.”
“Goldfish crackers recalled during Shark Week… Talk about hazardous species.”
“My Honey Smacks cereal was recalled. Then McDonald’s recalled my salad. So dinner is totally stressing me out.”
“New American cuisine; smaller portions with fancy-schmancy garnishes costing $15 more than the diner.”
“It’s National Fried Chicken Day – Don’t tag us on Facebook.”
