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“Voter alert dogs will faithfully stare until their owners vote. Then systematically chew-up all campaign direct mail.”
“Posted my ‘I Voted’ sticker on Facebook. Put our ‘We Voted!’ story on Instagram. Then tweeted an #IVotedSticker. Whelp, now we wait.”
“Guess we swapped out career politicians for endless campaigners.”
“There’s fanatical sports bars to root on your team – So why not partisan political pubs?”
“My grand-kids are over-scheduled, micromanaged and tracked by parental control apps. Here’s a trust exercise: Less phone, more family dinners.”
“When you’re back to work – and everyone else is still on vacation.”
“Because some days you’re perfectly fine with resting bitch face.”
“For all the road comics who will never get their own sitcom; You got two chances and squandered it all with one racist tweet. Whelp, I’ll be in Cleveland on Friday, Detroit on Saturday…”
“The way things are going, National Wine Day should be National Wine Year.”
“When your Alexa is keeping up with the Joneses’ Alexa.”
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