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“This waterbottle comes with an app. You’re going to need three restroom stops on this walk.”
“How do I know she’s eavesdropping? I can smell the hazelnut, Doris.”
“I’d offer you a cookie, but lately they’re too dang expensive. How about a crash course in civics?”
“Oh, we’re wearing white after Labor Day… and there’s not a darn thing you can do about it.”
“Your cousin is stuck on the Space Station. So I volunteered you to mow their grass.”
“Peanut butter, chicken salad, fruit… So, what’s for lunch that hasn’t been recalled?”
“How can I be toxic? I’m wearing polka-dots.”
“Stop calling it an “adult sippy cup.” Take your nap, and then we’ll have a snack.”
“Five potatoes, three mushrooms, packets of soy sauce, chocolate chips… and wait for it, no recipe card.”
“Expresso martinis are everything. Caffeine, alcohol, and more foam than that guy’s beer.”
