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“The conservatives want burgers. The liberals want veggie burgers. The independents want to know the cost of this BBQ, and if you’re testing for doneness.”
“If our stay-cation is just staying on our patio, I’m running away with that Trivago guy.”
“They shrunk the new 1040 tax form to postcard-size, then added six worksheets. Antacid and ibuprofen sold separately.”
“I just got a badge for hitting 10,000 steps. Now I’m going to Uber home.”
“We would never ask anyone to leave. We require them to stay and hear the cook’s views on; politics, trade, immigration, and the media.”
“Because some days you’re perfectly fine with resting bitch face.”
“My beach bag is a wine tote. My sandals are bottle openers. My sun hat has solar & psychic powers.”
“The airline gave us someone else’s luggage. Hope those centers have a better system for reuniting immigrant parents with their own children.”
“US is pulling out of that UN Human Rights Council. They’re running things like an exclusive golf course; wealthy in charge, no public access.”
“They’re separating children from parents, and not separating church from state. Zero – tolerance must mean no patience for humanity.”
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