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“These farm subsidies should help sow our wild votes.”
“Goldfish crackers recalled during Shark Week… Talk about hazardous species.”
“Doreen thought her eyesight had improved, then realized it was another all-caps tweet.”
“My Honey Smacks cereal was recalled. Then McDonald’s recalled my salad. So dinner is totally stressing me out.”
“New American cuisine; smaller portions with fancy-schmancy garnishes costing $15 more than the diner.”
“I am not lactose intolerant. I totally appreciate you.”
“When you’re back to work – and everyone else is still on vacation.”
“Forget the fireworks. They threw out left-over hot-dogs. That really freaked me out.”
“It’s National Fried Chicken Day – Don’t tag us on Facebook.”
“Harmless on land, when armed with aquatic dumbbells and a noodle – Sheila was chlorinated chaos.”
