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“You’re always hollering about my donuts and that wholesome cereal has weedkiller.”
“When you grilled the hell out of the burgers, after everyone told you medium rare.”
“She taped it, he tweets. Calls her a ‘dog’ and a ‘lowlife’ – now the campaigns’ gonna sue. Not the Real Housewives of New Jersey – It’s the real politics of Washington.”
“Space Force? How about a Road, Bridge & Pothole Force – As seen from space.”
“All burgers are served with fries, slaw, onion rings and a pickle. There’s your vegetable-centric dish.”
“California’s wildfires have been devastating; toxic smoke, toxic ash, and now toxic tweets.”
“They’re rolling back fuel efficiency standards – Because gas-mileage and clean air are so overrated.”
“Plastic straws and plastic bags are banned. But a temporary restraining order issued for 3-D plastic guns. Is it just me?”
“Folks can soon download blueprints for untraceable plastic 3D-printed guns. Fretting will then replace baseball-as America’s favorite pastime.”
“Fanny packs are back in style. Perfect for toting the antacid and pain reliever needed to cope with all this daily crazy.”
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