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“Sheila painstakingly baked her five dozen with quality ingredients… Only to return with generic slice & bake.”
“This is me peddling away from your cringe-worthy ad. Sign me, Hefty & Healthy.”
“Today I’m shopping… I mean working from home.”
“They moved the finish line from a park to a processing plant. At the light, run like hell.”
“Bei-Bei ‘s waving goodbye to Washington. What did the Panda know, and when did he know it?”
“We’re OK with you bringing Tofurkey – You need to be OK with our Make Thanksgiving Great Again hats.”
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“A transcript is a verbatim record. They released a summary. Like if HR read your version of college-versus official grades from the Registrar’s Office.”
“You’re in non-fiction so we’ll keep it real: Silence that phone or we’re gonna stack you silly.”
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