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“Never mind! I gifted myself because, frankly, your Valentine’s Day skills need work.”
“Insufficient light, root rot, pest infestation, then sudden death… Do you understand the stress I’m under?
“Our Super Bowl party has zero healthy snacks… and we WILL intercept your salad.”
“I rearranged the family room; you now have extra legroom and seat selection. If you don’t like it, your funds and points will be forfeited.”
“The groundhog phones it in… Six more weeks in Aruba.”
“We don’t care about the Grammys. I’d rather listen to our ringtones.”
“I’m exhausted from the cold, the snow, and endless doomscrolling. You?”
“I’m having tea, and he’s on a sports betting app, gambling away your inheritance.”
“Remember all those candles, cousin Jeffrey made at sleepaway camp?”
“I hate the washing machine. It’s going to take at least three weeks to get our stink back into the toys.”
