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“I’m a toter; that’s the core of my being.”
“Did anyone ask you how to fold a fitted sheet? We’re done here.”
“My current state of being is comfoozled. Look it up.”
“No grandchildren photos. No medical tales. No adult kid bragging. Go!”
“I gifted myself because, frankly, your Valentine’s Day skills need work.”
“Two bathroom trips and one hour of negative-self talk later Gloria realizes it’s only 3:15 AM.”
“Matchy-Mask-Mug-Mom-Mega-pack with promo code: Meh?”
“A year’s worth of freezer meals and a few cases of wine — I’m good.”
“This old work outfit? Saving all my athleisurewear for special occasions.”
“You’re telling me that my gift is stuck on a container ship in the Suez Canal?”
