Skip to content
“I’m totally about positivity, trusting the universe, and gratitude. Now can I get five frickin’ minutes to meditate?”
“Your cousin just texted from the space station. Can you go unplug his toaster oven?”
“Boob sweat, dry, cracked feet, humidity, melting make-up, ingrown hairs… I love summer.”
“I’m a hands-free, crossbody, fanny-packin’, sling baggin’ kinda gal.”
“They switched out classic iced cubes for ice nuggets without consulting me. I know, right?”
“Forget the Met Gala. I’ll tell you what’s hip and trending… cottage cheese.”
“These days, all I do is drink and pee. So, might as well re-do the bathroom.”
“I embrace this busy epidemic. Because If I’m too busy, I don’t have to do stuff.”
“I swiffed all the wine glasses. Spring cleaning is officially over.”
“Expresso martinis are everything. Caffeine, alcohol, and more foam than that guy’s beer.”
