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“You’re in non-fiction so we’ll keep it real: Silence that phone or we’re gonna stack you silly.”
“Five flameless candles with remotes, four fleece throws, and three honey hams later… Sheila swaps out the 24/7 news cycle for the 24/7 Shopping Channel.”
“Another childhood milestone… pacifier to digital pacifier.”
“Goes green by riding her bike to get coffee – Then puts plastic footprint in mouth with single use cup, straw, stirrer and two creamer thingies.”
“No worries calling me at work. I’m just browsing Indeed and LinkedIn looking for another job.”
“There is no going back to the 90’s. Big Tech – wish we knew how to quit you.”
“Gloria grilled fake meat for her BBQ – then wondered if her phony guests truly liked them.”
“This call is an official final notice. We have filed a lawsuit. Call now for immediate payment with a dry kibble wire transfer.”
“Fifty years ago we were at Woodstock. Now we’re at the diner, ‘Power to the pea soup!’
“We don’t need no stinking pool noodles.”
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