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“Oh, we’ll be wearing white after Labor Day, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”
“Announcement. Shower. Invitation. Save the date for no thank you notes.”
“Let’s toast to another week of crazy.”
“When you wake up at 2:15, go pee at 2:16, then stay up aggravating over stuff from 2017.”
“We’re having a heatwave, a tropical heatwave… Who’s with me?”
“When Maxine learned lipstick has a melting point of 130 degrees Fahrenheit, she finally believed in the global climate crisis.”
“Even If I win the Mega Millions, I will keep my job. My boss can’t find anyone for 23K a year with no benefits.”
“Listen, Mindy, Daddy, and I can only cover an engagement party or Springsteen tickets. Pick one!”
“TikTok’s iced-coffee hack paired with an Instagram appetizer while wearing paid promotions for a YouTube video.”
“When sharks verbally attack.”
