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“Didn’t the DNC learn anything from 2016? When Fox News invites you to their town hall – Just Bring It.”
“NY – The first U.S. state to ban cat declawing? With nail salons on every corner, it’s about damn time.”
“Glad they cancelled Woodstock’s 50th. The New York State Thruway stays open man.”
“When you lose an hour of sleep just from changing all the clocks in your life; microwave, thermostat, oven, car, watches, and one actual clock.”
“The Mega Millions jackpot is now $1.6 billion. This simply states If we win – 50/50 split.”
“Dozen eggs, dozen rolls, and a dozen Mega Millions tickets. You can get the rest of what I forgot later.”
“California’s wildfires have been devastating; toxic smoke, toxic ash, and now toxic tweets.”
“Plastic straws and plastic bags are banned. But a temporary restraining order issued for 3-D plastic guns. Is it just me?”
“Folks can soon download blueprints for untraceable plastic 3D-printed guns. Fretting will then replace baseball-as America’s favorite pastime.”
“Fanny packs are back in style. Perfect for toting the antacid and pain reliever needed to cope with all this daily crazy.”
