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“Listen, Sweetie, who needs me when you can do Ina Garten’s make-ahead Coquilles St. Jacques for Thanksgiving?”
“How are our costumes offensive and culturally inappropriate? He’s a real clown and I can be a real bitch.”
“Phyllis, did you just state the cat ordered my Halloween costume?”
“Oh, we’ll be wearing white after Labor Day, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”
“Got real and fake burgers. Also, real and faux hot dogs. What time are the genuine and phony friends arriving?”
“Love you, but we already have enough mugs with a special message.”
“What came first, the chicken or the Creme Egg? “
“May the luck of the Irish Wolfhound be with you.”
“I gifted myself because, frankly, your Valentine’s Day skills need work.”
“No worries! Our holograms are going to their house for Thanksgiving.”
