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“They moved the finish line from a park to a processing plant. At the light, run like hell.”
“We’re OK with you bringing Tofurkey – You need to be OK with our Make Thanksgiving Great Again hats.”
“Enjoy Fortnite and your TikTok videos. We ancient grains are whooping it up for Halloween. Gary, open the Rosé!”
“Mona lost five pounds on Monday – by recycling all the Holiday catalogs from Saturday’s mail.”
“They left me all alone with my fireworks anxiety. Gonna live-stream; Stress chewing, nervous peeing, and getting into their CBD oil stash.”
“There’s a traffic jam on Mount Everest – So, that’s out.”
“‘40% of mom’s fake their gift reactions; ‘I really needed this.’ ‘Awww!’ ‘Wow, this is great!’ – So texting my wish-list right now.”
“No plants. No spa day. You know what we really want? A day off from them.”
“I woke-up with a headache, I’m having my coffee, and then I’ll be at your egg hunt. Problem, Karen?”
“Last time greedy parents tackled little kids for candy. This year we’ve got collision insurance, and they have to sign waivers.”
