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“No geraniums, no slippers. This year my dream gift is Clorox Wipes.”
“That gallon of salsa & five pounds of tortilla chips bought in February… Who’s laughing now?”
“Boomer to Boomer.”
“Pookie – it’s time to go out for your last poop of the year or your first poop of the decade.”
“Family & friends mailing less holiday cheer – Family & friends making more craft beer. Wait, what?”
“The office holiday party is now cancelled because of #MeToo. Instead, we’ll all see an inappropriate bonus in our paycheck.”
“The elves want to unionize. Rudolph joined PETA… and Nick can’t deal with these #$@+%*! video surveillance systems.”
“I don’t know them (Holiday Card list) well.”
“Sheila painstakingly baked her five dozen with quality ingredients… Only to return with generic slice & bake.”
“They moved the finish line from a park to a processing plant. At the light, run like hell.”
