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“No plants. No spa day. You know what we really want? A day off from them.”
“I woke-up with a headache, I’m having my coffee, and then I’ll be at your egg hunt. Problem, Karen?”
“Last time greedy parents tackled little kids for candy. This year we’ve got collision insurance, and they have to sign waivers.”
“Phyllis always bought her own Valentines, her own candy, and her own bouquets. This year she finally bought out her spouse.”
“Valentine’s Special; You-Never-Help-Around-The-House Salad, Little-Appreciation-Appetizers, Micromanage-Me-Meatballs, and Your Family-Drives-Me-Nutella for dessert.
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways: Three electric brooms, two upright vacuums , and one hundred lint rollers later.”
“It wouldn’t kill you to use a Swiffer on my shelf.”
“A lot of people are saying, “That annual Tower of Treats with the pears – isn’t working.”
“Candy-canes and gumdrop trim are so 80’s. This is a complete crumble.”
“Another year has passed… They’re hawking those Mrs. Prindable’s apples on TV again.”
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