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“Mona lost five pounds on Monday – by recycling all the Holiday catalogs from Saturday’s mail.”
“They left me all alone with my fireworks anxiety. Gonna live-stream; Stress chewing, nervous peeing, and getting into their CBD oil stash.”
“There’s a traffic jam on Mount Everest – So, that’s out.”
“‘40% of mom’s fake their gift reactions; ‘I really needed this.’ ‘Awww!’ ‘Wow, this is great!’ – So texting my wish-list right now.”
“No plants. No spa day. You know what we really want? A day off from them.”
“I woke-up with a headache, I’m having my coffee, and then I’ll be at your egg hunt. Problem, Karen?”
“Last time greedy parents tackled little kids for candy. This year we’ve got collision insurance, and they have to sign waivers.”
“Phyllis always bought her own Valentines, her own candy, and her own bouquets. This year she finally bought out her spouse.”
“Valentine’s Special; You-Never-Help-Around-The-House Salad, Little-Appreciation-Appetizers, Micromanage-Me-Meatballs, and Your Family-Drives-Me-Nutella for dessert.
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways: Three electric brooms, two upright vacuums , and one hundred lint rollers later.”
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