Skip to content
“Honestly? I can’t even count everything I can do with rotisserie chicken.”
“Mocktails are expensive because they have complex flavors, decorative ice cubes, and cucumber ribbon garnishes. So worth it.”
“We have hot dogs, chips, and beer. Not because it’s traditional, because we’re sick of salad.”
“Four kinds of salads, three kinds of burgers, and two of us. Good job forgetting to put the time on our invite.”
“No Hawaiian rolls? Where are the pickles? Why are they late? What are you doing inside?”
“They switched out classic iced cubes for ice nuggets without consulting me. I know, right?”
“The Peloton got recalled, so I used your mountain bike for a double-scoop spin class.”
“Forget the Met Gala. I’ll tell you what’s hip and trending… cottage cheese.”
“Classic meatloaf, turkey meatloaf, meatless meatloaf, and make-your-own-darn-meatloaf.”
“Post-yoga matcha tea with a vegan brownie. I’m at one with the universe and baked goods.”
