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“We’ve lived six decades without it, so why is full-body deodorant suddenly a thing?”
“Pick up your dirty clothes; I’m turning the shower into a spa.”
“I’m in the middle of a hydrating active renewal facial treatment. Please wait 30 minutes for all annoying questions.”
“Whelp, I don’t give a flying flip if we’re saggin’, draggin’, or jigglin’… Who’s with me?”
“Boob sweat, dry, cracked feet, humidity, melting make-up, ingrown hairs… I love summer.”
“They sent some Home Spa kit. Two eye thingies and a loofah to exfoliate my tough exterior.”
“Post-yoga matcha tea with a vegan brownie. I’m at one with the universe and baked goods.”
“Embracing the gray, the eye bags, and the donut… Enjoying some sprinkles with my wrinkles.”
“When Maxine learned lipstick has a melting point of 130 degrees Fahrenheit, she finally believed in the global climate crisis.”
“I’m so over which under-eye concealer is best.”
